““I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
― Frank Herbert, Dune”
Can comfort kill?
I didn’t have any time to ponder that question. I grip the hot metal railing then turn my head to look down at the water 30 feet below. My heart is pounding out of my chest and my legs quiver.
My mind is screaming at me to climb back over the railing. To go back to the safety and comfort of what I know. But, “Fear is the mind killer,” and I am facing my fear.
I let go of the railing and lean backwards. The world flips upside down and my stomach turns… and in a blink of the eye the water engulfs me 30 feet below.
I come up to the surface and feel a wash of joy and excitement. My entire body is energized, primed and my smile is beaming. The fear and hesitation of standing on the railing is now a distant memory.
You might not believe that your warm, familiar bed with luxurious 700 thread count sheets and a goose down comforter is a dangerous threat to your life…
But it serves as a great metaphor for how in the modern world I can easily drown in comfort. As a species we’ve made enormous progress to remove the physical dangers our ancestors experienced.
I’m not going to get mauled by a tiger walking along the Venice Boardwalk in LA. However, my biology, the human operating system that evolved over millions of years, doesn’t yet know that.
Humans are hard-wired to seek out safety, same as wild and domestic animals (sorry if I’m the first to tell you but you’re a domestic animal). In today’s world where we have an abundance of $6 oat milk lattes, unlimited streaming, and tip of the finger food delivery we’re awash in hedonic pleasure.
And while I’m not one to discourage experiencing pleasure and joy, I believe in coming to terms with the dark side of habitually choosing comfort over stress.
I know it’s obvious that if I enjoy too much comfort food I am going to gain weight and have health problems. But what’s less obvious, and what I did not understand until my mid-twenties, is how overconsuming comfort in the physical world led to an unfulfilled existence.
Every time my instinct led me to choose comfort over distress I chipped away my ability to grow. The walls of my metaphorical cage creeped one inch closer. Yet I wasn’t watching the walls move closer in. I was looking down at my phone mindlessly scrolling on facebook.
So here I am, a couple years later, standing on top of a 30 ft bridge and backflipping off of it. I’m not an extreme sports junkie chasing the next adrenaline rush high (although I do enjoy it!)... I am placing myself in a temporary pressure cooker. I am training my body and mind on how to respond when I feel fear.
I had a massive fear barrier around flipping. My body, my biology, wanted nothing more for me to climb back over the side and back to safety.
But am I an animal subject to the urges of my evolution? Or do I have the awareness to transcend a million-year-old instinct that doesn’t serve me any more?
I choose to build the same awareness of my fears as I have of the foods I enjoy, the music I prefer, and the movies that make me laugh. I feel fear for a reason. It is a compass just like every other emotion. Our fears point us in the direction of our highest growth.
Which is why I’ve developed a “Fear Practice”. Knowing and experiencing my fears helps me build a map to track, seek, and conquer them. I push against the animal instinct of comfort and safety. This is how I grow. This is how I reprogram my operating system and body to be more resilient, to conquer boredom and anxiety, to fend off depression.
The idea of my “Fear Practice” is to go beyond mentally rationalizing what I am afraid of and putting myself in physical contact with my fears.
For me, my instinctual response when I encounter something that scares me is to run away or avoid it.
A memory that has never left me is one from a high school gym class. The coach wanted to have a race, so he invited anyone who wanted to participate to join. All of the fastest kids went up to the starting line.
But I stayed put. Fear paralyzed me. I knew I was one of the fastest kids in the class. And I knew there was a good chance I could win the race. But I stayed put. I guaranteed I lost the race by not competing in it. I was avoiding potential failure or social humiliation.
That memory is a metaphor for how if we do not master our response to fear we stifle the unfolding of opportunity and joy in our lives. When I caved to the fear, I limited my opportunity and ensured my failure. All in the name of allowing my animal brain to run the show.
Was that decision to cave to my fear a leftover instinct to seek out comfort and safety?
I think so. And at that time of my life I repeated that pattern over and over. I would feel fear and then “solve” that fear by avoiding the situation causing it.
Today, I flex the muscle of leaning into fear and discomfort. If something gets my heart rate going and my palms sweaty I jump right in. If I can do something that I don’t “want” to do because it causes physical discomfort I lean into it. I’m training myself to hot-wire the fear instinct. I am taking control of my biology.
I try to do something once a week that makes me feel like my heart is going to beat out of my chest or is physically uncomfortable (but still safe!). It can be as easy as sitting in a hot sauna for 45 minutes or doing a 5 min immersion into a cold tub (40 degree water is preferable!).
What’s the point of having an intelligent mind and body if we’re going to let it be run by our reptile brain (the amygdala)?
If I do not ruthlessly seek out what stirs fear in my body I am limiting my opportunity to grow and flourish.
If you’re curious to learn more and track your own fears.
Here’s my step-by-step fear practice:
Journal for 15-20 minutes on memories in your life where you felt intense fear
Distill those memories into categories of “Types of Fear”
Fear of failure
Fear being heard/seen
Fear of being excluded/isolated
Design and create scenarios where you can safely stimulate those fears and then conquer them
Get in touch with your fears. Ruthlessly seek them out and conquer them. Get to know your fears. Experience them. And then work with them. If it makes your heart beat out of your chest, sit with it, feel it, and overcome it. Then watch how your life can flourish.
Repeat this process once a month or once a quarter. When you do I promise your life will change. You will become more resilient, happier, and confident.
When you read this article I’m curious what’s coming up for you? What is your relationship to comfort and fear? Have you created a practice to bring fear and discomfort into your life?
Shoot me an email at jared@jarednations.com .. I’d love to hear what you come up with.